Racau

Kelam malam membalut jiwanya
Tangis sendu meratapi sebuah kekosongan
Nafas yang tidak lolos
Tepian berduri
Hati kecil kepiluan
Hati kecil kerinduan
Seluas mahligai itu
Menjerut hati yang sedang lemas
Tangisan hiba namun tidak menitis
Secebis sudut hati masih berkata
Sirnamu masih mampu bersinar
Carilah ia
Carilah kekuatanmu
Di balik cinta Sang Pencipta

-NahuzArya,2019-

Realization

The heart pounded hard like the bad rock song where the “Bam Bam Bam” sound is the only one that you can hear for 4 minutes long.  I should not drink that cup of vanilla latte even though the smell itself is enough to make me fall in love again with myself.  Not  a narcissist but hey, I am trying to tell myself many times that self love is essential.  

Looking through the coffee shop’s  window, across the street is the red signed bank with yellow writing. Bright writing, brighter than my life. And a weird couple dancing weird enough mocking the other couple which having the serious look in their face. An irony mash up I must say. The four of them getting into the car and I can only imagine it must be like hot fried banana fritters with cold vanilla ice cream combination inside the car, by looking at their behaviour earlier.

From the coffee shop's view

“ God, what am I trying to do with my life?”, I kept asking that to my self.

An almost 30 year old woman with no vision in life, no fixed job, no love life, and not having a good social interaction lately.  Hating herself especially when those days are approaching. Yeah say it what ever you want, but, hormonal effect are real people. Not degrading or anything but, my hormones really burnt me out sometimes.

Too many things that I want to learn throughout my life but too much distraction I guess. Games, Netflix, social media. And all the other yada yada yada things.

Can I curse here?

“ F*** !! I REALLY F***ED UP MY LIFE!! I NEED A HARD SLAP! PRONTO!”

~ to be continued ~

Emptiness

The emptiness strikes back.
But this time I guess I'm ready.

Who else can fight it if it's not me myself.
I just realize how inconvenience it is for relying our strength upon someone else.
God made us in pair.
That is correct.
But, before in pair, there's the individual concept.
If we do not build our self as an individual, how can we succeed in the concept of togetherness.
One need to rely in one self before relying on others.
A simple concept which is so hard to embrace.

Learn the concept to love your self first . To embrace your own soul.
To pick up your self when no ones are there to pick it up for you.

I am writing this here not just for others.
But the for me to remember it.

Dear me.

You are strong.

Let's fight.