Hidup Beku

Jam menunjukkan pukul 5 pagi hari Merdeka. Tapi hati aku sikit pon tak rasa apa. Merdeka. Apa maksud merdeka? Entahlah. Sumpah aku tak tahu. Hati aku masih sama. Kosong. Pemikiran aku juga kadang kala kosong. 

Hidup dengan depresi bukan sesuatu yang mudah. Macam ada sesuatu yang sering menarik jiwa setiap kali rasa ingin bebas itu muncul. 

Mungkin aku yang membelenggu diri sendiri. Mungkin. Mungkin kesedihan yang lama itu terkumpul patut diluahkan bagi merungkai rantaian bodoh dalam diri.

Tapi aku tak percaya orang. Rahsia aku segalanya hanya pada Allah. Entahlah.

Semoga kita semua merdeka.

Merdeka dari kebodohan diri.

Merdeka dari penyakit hati.

Merdeka dari segalanya.

Insomnia

I can't sleep. 

Creep - Radiohead

Congo Bars a.k.a Blondies..Oh My Prada!!

Sometimes I do surprise my self with my own abilities..hahaha....Like seriously.. 

I could baked when I'm stressed out.. and it always turns out great. But when it comes to leisure, it will turn out like, lack of here and there.. You know that depression and food cycle like depression leads to Over Binge and Over Binge leads to more Depression.

Yup..that's me.. Sigh.. I took great care of myself for the past 3 years, but somehow closed people around me are making me depress again and I end up not wanting to take care of my self. I just let everything go. I consumed my caffeine , sugar and carbs as if I never had them before. And exercising? Hell no..

I need to resurrect my self.. To anyone that actually know how to, please, tell me how..

Okay, let's get back to this. I actually made this out of serious stress condition. But it turned out well,so let's put a humble recipe here..hahaha..

Congo Bars a.k.a Blondies a.k.a Nak Kata Biskut Tak Biskut Nak Kata Kek Tak Kek

Recipe from: The Kitchen Guardian

2 3/4 cup all purpose flour

2 1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

2/3 cup butter, I used Anchor, Tatura has not been giving the right taste and texture lately!

1 lb light brown sugar, I used 12 oz only thank God!

3 large eggs

1 tsp vanilla

11.5 oz milk chocolate chip, I used 250g chopped Valrhona

1 cup pecans, I didn't have any, so skipped this.

Sift flour, baking powder and salt into a large bowl.

Stir brown sugar and softened butter, until all butter disappears and well incorporated.

Add eggs one at a time, stir well. Add vanilla.

Add chocolate chips and nuts, mix well.

Add dry mixture ie flour, baking powder and salt.

Bake ina 13/9 inch pan at 170 degrees Celcius for about 30 minutes or until the top is golden. Like baking Brownies, never over bake or you will have a hard brownie!

Normally I will cut down the amount of sugar as I can't consume things that incredibly sweet. Well I like sweet stuffs but not that hyper sweet. And I'm already sweet so why need more sugar..Lol!

The thing is, people at my house doesn't eat such things that I baked. I'm too modern I guess. So, sometimes all end up in my tummy. Gosh..

Till then.

[MV] 정준영(JUNG JOONYOUNG) _ 공감(SYMPATHY) (Feat. 서영은(SUH YOUNGEUN))

How did I get to this song? 

The lyrics (translation of course) stabbed me right thru my heart.

Annyeonghaseyo!! Correct ah?

Let me tell you a story. I was never a person that has the keen attitude onto something or someone.

Even when everyone was a Hard-to-die-fans for some cute Korean actor or singer, I am so sure that I can't be bothered by those.. What, Lee Min Ho? Daebak? Oppa? haha..(To tell you the truth at one time I hate the term oppa as everyone around me kept repeating oppa oppa aneyong aneyong..they don't even pronounce it properly..sigh.. =_=')

I think the Korean-effect at Malaysia started during those Winter Sonata series. Seriously, during that time every girl was dreaming for soft kind of person like the main actor in that series. Like- ahhh Pleasee... I was in my Form 2 that time and still in the world of Card Captor Sakura.. hahaha.. Winter Sonata was during what year? 2002? It's been 14 years since the wave hits Malaysia. Since then girls especially fell head to toe to everything that Made-of-Korea. Yeahhh... till now...

Truth, I do watch Korean movies and dramas. Same goes to other countries' if they are good. Probably the first drama I like was Goong-Princess Hours. But I just watch it like,oh great.. Nothing "ahh!!So-cute!!" But I like the songs though.

Running Man! Ohmygoshh who does not know about the greatness of Running Man?? Well, actually I don't.. Atleast not until recent years... Lol. Yeah.. But I don't really get it at first.. Only after few episode, then, ah-hah!!

I am going to stress this out. It is not that I hate Korea. Its was just that when everyone around me getting tooo excited, it just annoyed me and I end up avoiding it.. that's all.. Daehan Minguk!!

But currently I actually fell for 2 Days 1 Night Series.. I don't know why.. Probably they are acting- naturally and mean games..no..harsh is better and softer word to use. Lol.

But seriously la weh.. It's addictive and I only watch the season 3 episodes as they're looking very well-together.

Plus why is it everytime they eat something, everything looks soo good?hahaha.. I guess that's the reason I'm gainig few kg since I started watching this show..  huh..

The problem is that, I fell for their culture and language. It sounds so much more complicated than English or Malay but it has that soft kind of language compare to Mandarin. (I supposed to learn Mandarin but I can;t find the urge to do so..Gosh.. Wake up Girl..You need Mandarin more than other language.)

But. I think I'm going with Korean language for now.. And to learn the language, I watched Return Of The Superman as for some basic words like 'podo' means grape..hahaha..Sorry guys..I love kids but what they eat are way more interesting.huuuu..

Easily bored, can't focused and greed. Those are my problem. Please tell me how should I solve these? I want to learn Mandarin. I want to learn Korean language and culture. And I also want to learn Spanish. Aigoo-yaa...Lol.

Probably that's the reason I can't manage my own life. sigh.

Anyone out there..Do help me.. 

Random Monday

" If you talk talk to a man in language he understands, 

that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language,

 that goes to his heart." 

- Nelson Mandela

I should learn new language.. To find myself in other's language..
Should I do that?