A Note For Me Today

 This is a note for me today.

I want to write something for myself.
I hope whatever I write today will be heard by my own heart and mind.
It might sounds slightly weird because of my chaotic mind, I still hope that whatever I feel can be conveyed through words.
So please, be patient with me, my dear self.
The words you say to yourself every day matter.

You are listening to everything you say, and over the years, it becomes an unconscious mantra, a subtle yet continuous prayers.
So, what I need you to do right now is to change everything.
Change the things you say to yourself every day.
Change the way you see yourself.

You can do better.
Being depressed is not who you are.
It is a symptom that you are currently sick.
And somehow, for some reason, you let yourself stay sick for a long time.
It’s time for you to take over your life and not let these symptoms take over you.

Let’s find one path and follow it ruthlessly.
Move.
You are not a hill that can’t be move away. Even continents can move.
So move.
Remember what your younger, freshly depressed self once said?
Just follow that voice.

Right now, you have become so accustomed to everything around you that you feel safe in this chaos.
Move.
This is actually hell and you just choose to be buried in it.
Remember what the younger you wanted?
To not stay in one place.
To fly everywhere in this world and find peace within that lifestyle.

You’ve passed thirty. That’s actually a big number for a human being.
Ditch the mind of dying before thirty – you’ve already outlived that.
God gave you life. Appreciate it.

Missing someone doesn’t mean you should die too.
So, live.
Live a life that, when one day you meet those you love, you can tell them interesting stories instead of,
“I lived my life just waiting for you.”
That’s so fucking boring.

Move on.
Be present.
Don’t be anxious – you’re not that young anymore.

Let’s try this.
Let’s move on.

- to me.

Cat and Diabetes

This is clearly a random blog. Something that people nowadays can relate to. 

January 2025

A few days before the end of 2024, my cat suddenly looked emotionally down, unwell, and having a high fever of 40.2'c. On the first visit to the clinic, the vet suggested a blood test, fearing the worst. Somehow the result was fine except for the glucose reading of 12.3 (XXXX). The young vet mentioned that it might be due to the stress of commuting to the clinic. Let me tell you that fella, my cat, hates car rides to the core. So okay, we returned with a fever shot, anti-inflammation meds, and a thick black vitamin. 

For the next two days, my cat had a fever on and off, specifically an hour after meal time. Do note that he refused to eat so I had to force-feed him with a syringe. I lost one kitten years back because I did not know that whatever happened, cats need to eat even if they refuse, or else their liver might fail. So with this one, I forced him to eat even a bit. 

After two days, he was getting weaker and I was somehow seeing a slight yellowish color on his ears, I rushed him to the clinic despite my dad saying it was nothing. Throughout this time, I seriously wonder how the previous generation can have the mind of " Let the cat be and he'll be fine"? *facepalm*

Now, at the clinic, with another senior vet, she clearly mentioned she was actually worried about the previous Glucose reading of my cat. Because it clearly high. So she requested to proceed with another comprehensive blood test. And I actually agreed with it. My dad, and it was the second time he came to any vet clinic in his life, formerly told me not to do any test on the cat, cause it seemed wasteful. As the only child yet the first-born daughter, and granddaughter of the family which clearly had enough with all the adults' minds, of course, I just turned deaf for whatever he said.

Back to the cat, eventually, after a day leaving him at the vet for the tests, my cat was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. I was dumbfounded. And God knows how my anxiety skyrocketed. After having a deep conversation with our vet, I was still worried but it calmed me a bit. Yet, the vet suggested that insulin to be administered. Like being struck by the second lightning, I was dumbfounded, again.