Shriek

As the wind blows

So does my soul

Fly away without directions

Cutting through all ties

On midsummer heat

The cold heart shriek

Gasping for warmth

Of the calmness in your arms.

As the rain pours

So does my tears

The pain stabbing and piercing in a constant tempo

Leaving the suffocation chocking my lungs

Without voice, without tears.

-Azuhanis,2020-

Bebas

 

Permulaan sesuatu pengakhiran atau pengakhiran sesuatu permulaan? Ingin aku akhiri keributan akal fikiranku selama ini yang telah aku benarkan menghantui hidupku selama satu dekad panjangnya. Betapa banyaknya masa yang telah aku bazirkan. Betapa banyaknya jiwa-jiwa yang telah aku abaikan kerana aku leka dalam lemas jiwa dan fikiranku sendiri. Raksasa kelam itu telah kubiarkan bermaharajalela dalam kehidupanku. Membiarkan diri sendiri diambang kesedihan berpanjangan, menyalahkan segala yang berlaku, menyalahkan nasib, menyalahkan takdir menyalahkan dunia dan menyalahkan diriku sendiri. Aku biarkan diriku terpempan dengan kegemilangan masa dahulu, kehilangan jiwa yang aku sanjungi.

Sepanjang aku membiarkan diriku kelemasan sendiri, satu persatu manusia membiarkan aku pergi. Kerana dahulu akulah yang memegang setiap yang berada disisiku. Aku yang sentiasa berada disisi mereka. Namun mengapa di kala aku kelemasan, tiada tangan yang dihulur? Mengapa setiap manusia hanya melihat kepayahan sendiri tanpa mempedulikan perasaan insan yang sentiasa memaksikan mereka di kala kerenyahan? Mungkin kerana itu aku terus hanyut, kerana harapanku kepada manusia. Tuhan, maafkan aku. Aku alpa. Aku leka.

Kini aku perlu bangkit dari koma. Aku perlu bertatih semula tanpa lelah. Seperti mana cekalnya aku sewaktu kecil belajar berjalan kerna ingin menggapai sesuatu yang aku tahu tidak mampu aku gapai dengan jari jemari kecil itu, begitulah perlunya aku mencari kecekalan itu. Indahnya menjadi anak kecil yang suci polos tanpa noda. Apa yang dihadapannya itulah hidupnya. Apabila sedih menangis, apabila gembira ketawa. Tiada keperluan menyembunyikan perasaan. Aku harus belajar untuk hidup semula. Aku mampu. Ya! Aku Mampu!

Uncle Roger Review GORDON RAMSAY Fried Rice Haiyaa

Nasi Goreng or Fried Rice is sort of staple throughout few countries in Asia. Nasi goreng, NasGor, Bokkeum-bap, Omurice, Khao Kluk Kapi. Chahan and etc might be the variations of fried rice. 

Foods are fun , same goes to fried rice I must say. For example, here in Malaysia, you can find like a long list of different types of fried rice if you go to a restaurant any stalls. Depends on where you go, you can get any types of fried rice with variable price. I mean, if you are buying it from hotel's restaurant, fine-dining or the 'hype' kind of restaurant, you can have a RM40 worth of fried rice (around $10), and if you go to any stalls or even the usual restaurant that you can see the locals go they're just around RM4-6 (around $1-1.5). Of course you can see the difference in presentation and ingredients, but depends on your preferences. 

It is 10pm and now I am hungry. gosh.

Why Nasi Goreng all of the sudden? 

I just watched Uncle Roger review Gordon Ramsay's Fried Rice. Every thing there just hit the spot on my life. From smack like your parents smacked you, wok hei, haiya, fuyyoh and everything else. Especially when he said Asian people has two kitchen, indoor kitchen and outside kitchen. LOL! That's true about wet kitchen and dry kitchen. Up till now I'm confused why. Dry kitchen is the nice sparkling place for others to see, while wet kitchen is the place of war. ROFL.

Well watch em below: 

Another year yet feeling common

It has been a year since my last post. Lol. Talk about trying to commit. Let see.. I am still trying to find myself. Nothing much has changed actually. Still drowning and barely keeps my mind intact. Bruh.. 

2020 is too mainstream if I must say. COVID-19 has been the main theme of this year. My country had one of those lock down phase and still currently under movement control order but less strict compare to those during total lock down.

One thing I learned during the lock down was I am happy by myself, totally. Things goes like this. I was by myself during the total lock down, for one and a half month as my parents was stucked at another state. Those 46 days was my healthiest and happiest days I had within the past years of my life. I manage to do proper gardening, cleaning, cooking, doing my jobs from home and even managed to cut down my weight and have that happy glow as per my friend's words. My 'cloudy' episodes were less severe, or should I say almost none. I woke up early, managed to do my simple workout, eat home cooked meals, and having a stress-free life I must say. Total bliss.

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. But as soon as they came back, I started to be depressed again. I mean, those moments of hard to get out from bed, rarely eat at home, binge eating outside, everything went straight back into my routines once I am with them. Gosh. I am in a deep shit right now right?

haih.. I need help.