How To Figure Out What We Really Want In Life

Throughout our life, we often kidnap ourselves from the life that we actually want

because we think a different path is going to help us survive, pay our bills, or meet our needs in the world. We never managed on to actually figuring out what we really want in life.

Pull out a journal and start by writing,

 

"I'm my own kidnapper."

 

List all of the ways over the years that you silenced the truth of what you actually want, all of the times that you took yourself captive on soul-crushing journeys that you didn't even want to be on.

Think about how so many of us choose majors in college or career paths that we don't even want to be on, because we think it will help us survive or meet our needs in the world. But it doesn't have to be that way.

 

Ask yourself,

"Where am I kidnapping myself from the life that I really want?"

"How am I giving away my power, getting into fear, just to meet my needs in the world?"

 

When we go into fear, we give away our power and we disconnect from who we really are and what we really want. Somehow, there are three key steps that you can take right now and call it a "U-Turn" which is the decision to get out of fear and come home to yourself.

 

1. SELF AUDIT

Ask yourself,

"Where am I holding myself captive?"

 

This means being honest with yourself about where you are, what's working for you, and

what isn't. If you think about it, we come into the world, our natural state is with so much love, creativity , think about kids, they have inspiration and yet over time we're taught to fear.

And fear is a necessary inner alarm system that we all need to survive in the physical world.

 

Think about it.

 

We learn to look both ways before we cross the street.

We learn not to touch the stove when it's hot.

We learn not to talk to strangers.

But over time, we get hurt.

Life throws us curve balls.

We learn to stop taking risks and start being afraid.

We get afraid to put ourselves out there.

We start calling ourselves "practical" or "realistic"for making choices that seem "responsible" when really we're just so scared of criticism.

And if we're being really honest with ourselves, people who call themselves realists are often just dreamers who got their hearts broken somewhere along the way.

So how do you make a you-turn?

You do a self audit.

You come home to yourself.

And that's why one of my favorite questions to ask people is,

 

"What do you know that you wish you didn't know?"

 

Maybe some of you, deep down know that you're hiding from the truth. Maybe you're hiding from the fact that you hate your job, but you won't admit it because you're scared and you don't know where to go next.

Or maybe you're hiding from the fact that you married the wrong person, but you're scared to admit it because it's going to unravel your life to get a divorce.

Or maybe you know that something is going on with your health, but you're scared to go to the doctor because you don't want to hear the diagnosis.

Whatever it is, tap into what's deeply true for you, seeing things as they are - not worse than they are, not better than they are, but as they actually are.

In order to figure out what you really want, you need to see the truth of where you are. And maybe right now you feel pain bubbling up inside of you as you look at what's true for you.

But know this, pain is often a trampoline that will launch us into our next stage of life

if we're willing to let it.

 

2. FOLLOW YOUR FREEDOM

Pay attention to what feels good to you so that you can finally set yourself free. But, 

"How do I feel what feels good?"

 

We live in a world right now of Internet trolls and tweets and text messages, and the data is officially in, we are so connected that we're somehow, according to research, more disconnected than ever.

We've heard it all before. "Do what you love, and the money will follow." Or my least favourite piece of advice, "Follow your passion." These short expressions are often a fast track to nowhere. But when you learn to really follow what feels good to you, your purpose is often either right in front of you or on the periphery of that.

 

"Well, how do I really connect to my body? How do I feel what feels good?”

 

Right now, scientists are calling our gut "our second brain," and you've probably heard the research that suggests that there's more than 200 million neurons in our gut, which is equivalent to the size of a cat or dog's brain.

 

So what does that mean to you? That means if in your nervous system you're feeling some sort of anxiety or disconnect, some nerves, something feels off, to trust it because your body is a messenger and it is constantly giving you feedback.

But who you are at age 25 isn't going to be who you are at age 30, and it certainly isn't going to be who you are at age 40.

See your career as an experiment that really meets you where you are - a vehicle for your own self-expression. You can start with writing down all of your ideas and checking in with your body, seeing how they feel to you.

Do you feel joy?

Or do you feel fear?

Do you feel expansion?

Or do you feel contraction?

Do you feel liberation?

Or do you feel suffocation?

 

There is this one tool called The Joy Journal.

When you're feeling disconnected, for 30 days, take the time to write down every single moment - that moment that lit you up the most every single day.

Even if it's the woman you talk to in the bathroom line at the club or the meeting you led at work. Pay attention.

And at the end of the 30 days, take note of if there's any patterns in your inspiration. Really ask yourself, "What skill set am I using when I'm the most inspired?" Because when you're in your inspiration, you're not being run or kidnapped by your fear.

 

3. ENGAGE

Needless to say, your cute little joy journal isn't going to get you that love interest that you've been pining over or that dream job that you really want. Action will. But perfectionism is the enemy of action.And often, perfectionism is a mask that we all wear when we're afraid of failure.

 

So ask yourself, "Am I a perfectionist?"

Because here's the truth of the matter. Clarity comes from engagement. It does not come from thought. Limbo is powerless.

So if you want to be powerful, look at your list, pick something that feels good.

Show up, see what feedback the universe gives you, make a commitment, and know that you can course-correct along the way.

 

Think about how the truth always really does leave clues.

We all have the opportunity to free ourselves. And it starts with really taking a look at who you are.

Doing a self audit.

Following what feels good.

And taking action.

No matter where you are in your life right now, you have the opportunity to make a you-turn.

That means connecting to the truth.

Connecting to your body.

Connecting to your joy.

Most of all, that means making your U-TURN.

~ inspired by a talk I listened to today~